If You Really Knew Me

Hi,

My name is Jessica, I am 25 years old, and a single mom of a 4 year old boy.
I love to dance, smile and hang out with friends. I am almost always in a good mood.

But if you really knew me, you would know that I suffer from Bi-polar disorder.
I spend most of my days and nights in tears when no one is around

You would know that the smile on my face is there for show
You would know that the people in my life are there for show
You would know that I trust no one
You would know that I do not let people into my life
You would know i am scared to be left alone and abandoned
You would know about all the pain the suffering I deal with daily.
You would know that I attempted suicide when I was in high school twice
You would know that I was raped
You would know that I have been abused, sexually, mentally, verablly, and emotionally
You would know that I was beaten up regularly in school
You would know that I was a cutter for almost 10 years

You would know what I feel when I look into my little boys eyes and hold him close
You would know I would do whatever it takes to make my little boy happy
You would know that I feel as if my son's father not being a part of his life is my fault
You would know that it hurts to know I cant give him the one this he needs the most
You would know the pain I endure of him

You would know that I dont look at myself in the mirror
You would know what I really think of myself
You would know that I never want to get out of bed
You would know I eat because I am depressed

You would know that more then anything I just want to be loved